Unknown

From the day all of this started that seems to be a favored word among all of our doctors and genetic counselors. Unknown, a word that probably would not have phased me in the past because most things that you are not aware of don't seem to affect you as bad. What you don't know, won't hurt you. Maybe its the expectation that Doctors should know everything, that because of all the testing that has been done we should have some answers as to what our sons life will look like and if he will have the chance to have one, but its unknown. Every question we ask, every case study we bring up, we get the same answer repeatedly. Unknown.

I guess being someone who loves to be in control (I became a teacher for a reason:)) this answer doesn't really sit well with me. At the beginning of our pregnancy we decided to forgo any testing at all. When they saw the signs for T13 we wanted to be able to prepare ourselves best for what was going to come our way. Once the testing started I began to want to know everything I could about Trisomy 13 and severe partial. I like to think of my curiosity to suddenly want to know every detail about what Dalton's life could entail as God's way of preparing me the best way he knows how for whatever his will is. I feel like finding out all of this information at his time of birth may have been too much for me to handle, so even with the answer of unknown we are still able to prepare as much as possible emotionally. We have begun to have to accept this answer as the only one we are going to get until he is born.

Certain things are known and that is what we lean on when the sadness of the unknown sets in. It is known that we have a beautiful baby boy growing inside of me, getting stronger everyday . It is known that with every kick, flutter, and flip I feel the greatest sense of fulfillment ever. It is known that he has people praying for him all over this world. It is known that Jonathan and I have never loved anything more in this world. It is known that the Lord has his hands wrapped around Dalton, and that only he knows the exact plan that has been written for our baby.

Psalm 23:4 

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.